What The Dark Eyes Say
by Felnezia Lloyd
Summary: A series of vignettes oneshots about Remus Lupin and Sirius Black. Rated M for Yaoi content.2. TrustI [Part 1 of a Trilogy]
1. Dementor's Kiss

6

**Revised Version - 1**

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_**DEMENTOR'S KISS**_

:_ Felnezia Elaine Lloyd_

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_How stupid can somebody get?_

In Cornelius Fudge's case, the answer was – _infinitely_ _stupid_, or that was what Remus Lupin felt.

As he sat in the kitchen of No. 12, Grimmauld Place, drinking a cup of black coffee to help him keep awake, he mused that he hated Fudge with an intensity that was greater than he had hated Voldemort.

The war had been won. Voldemort was dead and gone for good. However, there was no happiness for Remus in that thought. It wasn't as if he was _sad_ that they had won the war. No, he was sad that Sirius had been exposed during the war and taken to Azkaban, and had been proved as a Death-Eater, albeit with false evidences.

The wizarding world was still in a riot. The few Death-Eaters who were on run had been causing havoc, especially since Dumbledore had died during this war. That was another reason that blemished the victory.

Cornelius Fudge, in an attempt to restore the order and spreading terror among the Death-Eaters, had ordered the souls of all the captured Death-Eaters to be sucked out by the Dementors.

And that meant that as tomorrow would dawn, Sirius would be…

He spluttered his coffee, a nauseous feeling enveloping him. This was disgusting. He couldn't just sit here and do _nothing_ about it.

He glanced at his watch and cast Wakefulness Charm on himself. He had some Sirius-saving to do.

-x-x-x-x-x-x-

_At least Harry and Remus are safe… _

Sirius, lying on the floor in his dog form, to keep some of his sanity in tact, glanced wearily out of the small hole in the wall of his cell. The night would soon merge into dawn and…

He shuddered. It was his worst dream. Harry wasn't the only one for whom Boggarts changed into Dementors.

_At least Harry and Remus are safe… _

Was it a happy thought? It couldn't be… or it would have been sucked out of him. Why wasn't it a happy thought? Wasn't this what he had fought for?

_At least Harry and Remus are safe… _

But not for long. He still remembered how they had killed Dumbledore – right before his eyes. He remembered how they had killed Snape. _Merlin_! How many times had he wished Snape's death! And when it had taken place just before his eyes, he felt _sick_. He felt _gloomy_. Suddenly, he realized what a _very_ terrible thing it was to wish someone dead.

So _late_… everything had happened too late…

He had no energy left in him even for small movement. As he turned his eyes to the hole again, he could just see the sky lighten to a purplish-pink shade.

And just then the Dementors came into his cell.

He transformed back into a human being. He was a Gryffindor. He would die a man.

There weren't many happy thoughts left in him for the Dementors to suck. So they did not have too terrible an effect on him. He could discern the other prisoners who were being taken and saw Draco Malfoy among them. So he wasn't the only one who had fought against Voldemort and got nothing for it.

_At least Harry and Remus are safe… _

But he… Harry… would be devastated without… his soul-mate, and Remus without his best friend.

It wasn't a happy thought. No, not at all.

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_This is it._

He closed his eyes and sank to the ground, his 'Gryffindor' courage spent.

The Dementor was gliding up to him. He did not realize that he was trembling.

_Oh_ _Merlin_! _This_ _is_ _it_! _I_ _have_ _a_ _fate_ _worse_ _than_ _death_. _Snape_ _seemed_ _luckier_ _than_ _me_ _this_ _one_ _time_.

The creature lowered its hood, but Sirius had his eyes tightly shut. He did not have to _see_ it.

Cold… _arms_, for lack of a better word… gripped his shoulders.

And then he felt it. It was going to be the last sensation in his life and he knew it. The Dementor's mouth was on his.

Sirius' eyes snapped open – and he saw with growing shock that he was looking into a well-known pair of hazel-brown eyes.

-x-x-x-x-x-x-

He could feel the fear radiating off Sirius. If only he could reassure him… but no, that would spoil the plan.

He looked up to his left and saw the 'Dementor' nod slightly.

He was cold with the sensations that the Dementors had caused. Shakily, he gripped Sirius' shoulders.

He could do it… they could get away with it… _it was of no use… they would be found out…_

The Cheering Charm that he had put on himself was weakening. He had to do this. Fast.

Taking a deep breath, he pressed his lips to Sirius'.

It was a Cheering Charm of its own kind. He had never felt anything like this. _Ever_.

He had loved Sirius all his life. But he had been afraid to tell him about it, especially when he got to know that Sirius was a 'womanizer'.

He prolonged the kiss. He wanted to enjoy it while it lasted. Tomorrow, though he would have Sirius, there would be nothing but the memory of this kiss to keep him going.

Now, when the danger of death was all about them, he felt that he could die and die _happily_. Tomorrow, he would be out of danger and die in pain of unrequited love.

His thoughts were interrupted by a frantic cry of "Remus".

He jerked away from Sirius to see that a hundred Dementors were gliding up to them.

_Of_ _course_! They had sensed his happiness.

He pulled Sirius up and muttered, "Disapparate. Grimmauld Place. Now."

Beside him, Harry and Draco did the same.

-x-x-x-x-x-x-

It was worse than the worst hangover. Sirius groaned as he woke up. His head was bursting with pain.

"Here, this might help."

Reluctantly, he opened his eyes to see Remus holding up a vial to his mouth. Sniffing the dirty-looking potion, he decided to drink it in spite of its horrible look and smell.

It had an instant effect. His headache was gone and his body ached no more.

"Thanks, Moony."

"Any time, Padfoot."

Remus kept back the vial. But he wasn't looking at him.

"What's the matter? Aren't Harry and Draco safe? Or is there some other bad news?"

"No, nothing. I mean nothing _bad_ has happened."

"Why are you looking so miserable, then?"

Remus looked at him. "I am not miserable. How could I be miserable? You are _alive_."

"My life and death aren't the only matters that might determine your happiness, Moony," said Sirius, propping himself up against the headboard.

_If only you knew… _thought Remus and did not venture a reply.

"Are they?"

For Remus, the only thing which was worse than Sirius' unrequited love was being laughed and ridiculed for his love.

"I'll go and check on Harry," he said hurriedly and got up.

But he stopped as he felt a warm hand close around his wrist.

"Are they?"

Remus' face hardened. Why was he doing this to him? To ridicule him? To have a laugh at his expense? No one knew better than him that Sirius could be quite… merciless.

"Remus…"

That made him turn around. It was very rare for Sirius to use that tone with his name. Hell! It was very rare for Sirius to use his given name.

"What?" he spat out angrily. He was angry at Sirius for making him feel like this. As if it wasn't enough to feel the pain of his love that he had to be pestered about it.

"Answer my question," commanded Sirius with narrowed eyes.

"What?"

"You know what."

"No. I do not," he said stubbornly.

"You will be difficult, will you?"

Their eyes met. Remus could read his affections in Sirius' eyes. He swallowed hard. Sirius _knew_. And now, he was even going to lose his best friend. How he wished for that tense moment of today's dawn to return. Feeling Sirius' body under his own… his lips warm against his…

Sirius tugged hard at his wrist. Caught unawares, Remus stumbled into his lap.

"Took you long enough, didn't it?" he said huskily, cupping his cheeks and catching Remus' lips in a bruising, demanding kiss.

Remus' eyes widened. For a moment he wondered if he was indeed sane, alive and conscious. But just for a moment.

He returned the kiss with twenty years' worth of passion. His hands moved to feel him… over his chest… in his hair… down his arms… around him… everywhere… there was no world around them. Just them. Just _him_. He was his world – literally for those few minutes.

They broke up, gasping for air.

Sirius was grinning widely at him.

The kind of grin that made him melt – or… harden would be a more suitable description.

"How did you know?" asked Remus weakly.

"The kiss I was given today on the crack of dawn, Remus, was no Dementor's Kiss."

And he pushed him back on the bed, determined not to let this chance slip by.

Snivellus, he thought maliciously, as he ripped open his lover's shirt, was never to be luckier than him after all.

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**THE** **END**

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**Please review because this was my first attempt at Sirius/Remus. **

** Felnezia **

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	2. Trust I

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**TRUST - I**

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Remus clearly remembered the first time he had seen this place. It was when he had come to attend his first Order meeting. It was over fifteen years ago. Those times seemed so… far away… like some dream he was unable to forget. A dream – not a nightmare, for although those had been dark times, he could never call them a 'nightmare'. He had witnessed many gruesome happenings, but his friends – James and Sirius (his brow clouded as he automatically added 'Peter') had always been there by his side. They had been together.

He looked at the sky. It was a half-moon night. He was beginning to feel weak already. It was because of this curse that Sirius had not been able to trust him as completely and whole-heartedly as Remus trusted him. Now that he thought about it, even James had been slightly wary of him. Peter had always been more than a little scared of him.

And it was because of this damned curse that Sirius had kept him out of the secret that had killed Lily and James.

If only he had known… if only Sirius had trusted him…

Remus sighed and shook his head. There was no reason to remember all that now. What had happened could never be changed – it was useless to dwell on it. Sirius trusted him now, didn't he? He had said as much in the Shrieking Shack about a year ago.

But now, Remus was… well, he wasn't sure what he felt. He was happy that Sirius had said that he had full faith in him now – faith he deserved. It did not set him at ease, however. It made him feel… burdened, in a way. What if he was not able to keep that trust? What if he had not truly meant what he had said?

_This is insanity_, thought Remus, walking up to the front door. _The waxing moon is inversely affecting my mind._

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Sirius was nursing a glass of Firewhiskey. He hated this bloody house. He would rather die than be here.

He winced as the doorbell rang and his mother launched into a string of curses.

"Shut up, you damned succubus!" he shouted as her as he walked past her.

_Merlin, spare me!_

"Remus…"

He should have known. As always, Remus would be the first one to come here. _As_ _always_… was it really _that_ long since they had spent time together? Since he had looked upon him with complete simple trust… He still regretted that – trusting Peter over Remus. How could he have been so, so foolish? _Circe_! He had killed James and Lily with his foolishness… just because somewhere his pureblood vanity could not accept a _werewolf_…

"Hello, Sirius… that your mother, I guess?"

"Yeah, the old hag. She's got her portrait stuck with a Permanent Sticking Charm. Even Dumbledore says that nothing can be done about it. Come in."

o-o-o-o-o-o-

"Drink?"

Without waiting for an answer, Sirius poured out a glass for Remus.

However, Remus shook his head. "I am not feeling too well. Alcohol only makes the condition worse – more painful."

Sirius shrugged and pulled the glass towards himself. "I have little else to do," he said defensively as Remus raised a critical brow for Sirius had already emptied two bottles.

"The good thing is that I still have my brilliant endurance for alcohol."

"You'd be screaming murder tomorrow morning."

"There must be some Hangover Remedy somewhere. Blacks are born drunkards," he said, casting a filthy look in the direction from where Mrs. Black could still be heard cursing.

Remus put his hand over Sirius' as the latter was about to pour some more whiskey into his glass. "The house has been practically abandoned for over ten years. I doubt if you would get a Hangover Remedy tomorrow."

"Don't order me around," said Sirius, bristling. "I am not to get out of this accursed house. I am not to do anything but rot in here. The last thing I need is more orders."

Remus pulled away his hand as if he had been struck. "I wasn't _ordering_ you."

"Huh."

"I care, Sirius."

He gave no indication of having heard him and lifted the drink to his lips.

"We all care," said Remus, watching his lips, "and we need you – Harry needs you. It won't be very nice if you were sent back to Azkaban now, would it?"

"I'd rather chance going back to that hell than rot here!"

"I'd rather bear more of your anger and hate than let you take that chance."

Sirius stopped dead. He lowered his glass slowly enough but put it down so hard that it broke – the glass cutting through his hand.

"My _hate_? You _liar_! When did I hate you?" He glared at Remus, his eyes blazing.

Remus made no reply but turned away. Pulling out his wand, he spelled away the broken glass and the Firewhiskey bottle.

"Bloody hell, Remus, _answer_ me!"

Sirius gripped his thin arm painfully and turned him around. Remus winced slightly as he felt the small glass piece from Sirius' hand cut through his skin.

"Your hand…"

"Fuck it! Just answer me! I won't let you just stand there and accuse me like that!"

Remus pried open his fingers and brought his wand to Sirius' injured hand. "You know what I am talking about," he said quietly after murmuring a spell to take out the glass piece. Sirius flinched. It was agonizing.

"I don't."

"It is a thing of past now, Sirius. There is no use talking about it."

Remus went over to the basin and soaked a strip of bandage in cold water. He felt Sirius come up behind him.

"If you mean…"

Remus turned and began tying the wet bandage around the magically closed wound. "Don't talk about it, Sirius. Please."

Sirius pulled away his hand.

"You think I would hate you because…"

"Sirius!"

"…because you said that you did not love me? Because you turned away whenever I tried to kiss you?"

Remus cringed slightly as Sirius' voice rose higher.

"How could you think so… LOW of me? Merlin, Remus! I love you," said Sirius, clutching his shoulders, "Doesn't THAT get into your fat head? I don't care whether you love me or not. I love you and that's not going to change." And he lowered his lips to Remus' in a passionate kiss.

Remus stiffened – then pushed Sirius away.

The darker man's eyes were slowly growing glazy. The alcohol was beginning to have its effects.

"Why not?" he demanded, not letting go of him.

"This is just… not right. You are drunk. You need to get to bed."

"I still love you, Remus," said Sirius, bringing up a hand to his face and cupping his jaw.

Remus' grey eyes grew hard. "But you don't trust me. I cannot have your love without trust, Sirius. It is just not possible."

"I've already said sorry for that, have I not? Remus, please…"

Just then the doorbell rang again.

Remus pulled away from Sirius. Running a shaky hand through his brown-grey hair, he went to open the door.

o-o-o-o-o-o-

Sirius had fallen into a morose silence. Everyone presumed it was because he had been confined to a house he hated. No one asked questions – Remus was mightily glad about that. Alcohol tended to loosen his best friend's tongue and the last thing he needed was a declaration of his affections in public. However, Dumbledore had cast a thoughtful look towards him after glancing the same way at Sirius. He wasn't worried when it came to Dumbledore. Who would know better than him that there was no better Secret-Keeper in this world than Dumbledore?

Remus had practically played host all the evening. Sirius had done little except scowling at the wall opposite to where he sat.

As the last of the Order members left the house, Remus locked the door and returned to the kitchen.

Sirius had had his head resting on the table against his arms for the last half an hour. However, he looked up as he heard Remus go about cleaning the place before he left. Molly had wanted to stay to help, but Remus had convinced her that he would manage things on his own. Having Sirius kiss him in front of Molly was worse than anything in public.

"Moony."

Remus looked warily at the bleary-eyed dark man. _Better put him to bed, first._ He conjured quilts and covers in the kitchen and arranged a bed in a corner.

Sirius put up no resistance as he pulled him up and half-carried, half-dragged him to the bed.

As he lay him down, Sirius held on to his hand.

"Stay," he said, his voice sounding unnaturally desperate.

Remus couldn't deny. Not when he sounded so helplessly distressed. Sirius needed him. He could always sense that. But love? He still wasn't sure about that.

Whispering a quiet "_Nox_", Remus lay down beside him, pulling the covers over both of them.

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**To Be Continued…**

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**AUTHOR'S NOTE: Please review if you are reading the story. The more reviews I get, the faster I update. No reviews or almost no reviews tend to discourage me from writing and I usually give up on such stories.**

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	3. Trust II

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**TRUST – II**

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Remus frowned. It wasn't right to tell Harry so much about things. There was a characteristic recklessness in the boy, which he feared, would prove pretty harmful for not only him, but also, others – like Hermione and Ron. Hermione might be the proverbial 'voice of reason', and though Harry did listen to what she said, but he acted on what he _wanted_ to. He was just too much like James – Remus had observed that during his year as a Professor at Hogwarts.

But Sirius had looked so happy. He had not touched liquor and made a genuine attempt to look presentable. Remus watched him as he talked to Moody and Bill about something. His back was turned towards him. It was a good time to escape.

It had been difficult from him to be alone with Sirius ever since the night that he had stayed back. Although nothing had happened between them, but it made Remus uncomfortable.

Thanking his stars, as Mrs. Black did not launch into a flurry of furious curses, he opened the door and went out.

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"Moony, we've got to talk."

The werewolf started violently as he saw Sirius' face in the fire.

"What are you doing here?"

"I am coming through."

Remus stood up and backed away from the fire. "How did you know that I was here?"

Dusting the ashes off his robes, Sirius said, "I have my ways – and you always seemed to run away without me noticing. You dumped Molly on me. I had no other choice but to worm out your address and confront you in your own territory. Why are you here, anyway? I thought you hated the place."

Remus made no reply as he sat down.

"Moony."

"You wanted to talk. Do that," was the weary reply.

"Right," said Sirius, leaning against the back of his chair. "First, I want to know why you are avoiding me – and don't say that you aren't because I know that you are."

"Why do you ask questions whose answers are obvious to you?"

"Obvious – funny word that one. Why don't you give me a second chance?"

Remus said nothing.

"I am still a murderer by name. I am ROTTING in a house I hate as passionately as I love you. I just manage to avoid putting Snape under Cruciatus Curse every time he sets foot in that house. There are less than zero percent chances of me being useful for the Order. I only ask you to give me a second chance and you don't care. What the hell am I supposed to do with my life?"

"This isn't the time," muttered Remus, rubbing his forehead.

Sirius snorted. "Like there ever will be a time. Dumbledore doesn't look too hopeful about destroying Voldemort, does he?"

"Sirius…"

The taller, darker man came round to the mantelpiece and gripped Remus by his shoulders. "I am worried, damn you! Every time you go among those… well, werewolves… I know you are there kind by blood. But you are not one of them. You are not vicious. You are not Greyback." Remus shuddered involuntarily. "They can kill you any time – or worse. Every time you leave Grimmauld Place I am worried out of my senses that I will lose you. I could never bear that. Never. Not when…"

He stopped abruptly, staring into his grey eyes.

Remus couldn't bear his intense gaze and closed his eyes. He whispered, "I love you. But it… it doesn't seem right."

Sirius' eyes grew brighter and he drew closer. "What's not right?"

"I am a werewolf."

"I accepted you as that long, long ago, Moony."

"And…" Remus opened his eyes, "Something… something just doesn't seem right."

"I don't know what you mean. Remus, you said I didn't trust you. I have apologized for it over and over again. It was my gravest mistake. But now… now I trust you with my soul. I haven't stopped loving you for a whisper of a second. What more persuasion do you need?"

Sirius looked at him with mixed desperation, hurt – and love. Although there was something warning him against it… something trying to keep him from giving himself to Sirius, he cupped the back of his neck and brought his lips to Sirius' in a hungry kiss.

Sirius moaned against his mouth and delved deeper with his tongue. It was intoxicating and yet very unaffected – the sheer sensuality of it mesmerized all their senses but the multitude of emotions expressed through that one kiss brought their whole lives in their mind… they were cut off from everything yet everything dominated their mind.

They broke apart, gasping for air. Sirius ran his fingers through Remus' soft greyish-brown hair.

"Be mine," he said hoarsely – eighteen years worth of emotions seemed to choke him.

"I won't know what else to do," replied Remus – his voice unstrained for the first time in many years.

Sirius lowered his mouth to his jaw, kissing along it till he reached his ear. He bit it sharply, drawing out a whimper from the man unbuttoning his shirt, then soothed it wetly. Remus ran his hands up and down his sides while nuzzling his neck. Sirius slipped his hands under his shirt, rubbing slow circles on his back and chest as he nipped, sucked and kissed along a shoulder. Thrusting his hips closer to the werewolf's, he gasped as his hardening manhood rubbed against Remus' arousal.

Abandoning his slow exploration, he unbuttoned Remus' trousers and slipped in a hand under his boxers to feel the silky skin of his manhood. Remus groaned at the contact, digging his fingernails into his back.

Pulling back for a second, Sirius whispered a spell that divested them both of their remaining clothing.

"Bed. Now. Unless you fancy cold, damp wood," Remus muttered.

Sirius pushed him onto the couch and straddled him with a devious grin, bending over his red hard member, determined to torture him with pleasure.

-o-o-o-o-o-o-

It was fortunate that both of them were slim to the point of emaciation or else they would have suffocated to death on the somewhat narrow couch.

Remus was the first one to wake up, being the one on the inner side of the couch – sticky with sweat and almost squashed in.

Running his fingers through his hair, he looked tiredly at the embers dying out in the hearth. As he sat up, he shivered as he left the warmth of Sirius' body and realized the now cold room.

It still didn't feel right.

He didn't know what was wrong with him. He had never been a great believer of divination… and that was what this feeling was like… some sort of… premonition?

He couldn't help snorting at himself.

Looking down at the dark man, sleeping oblivious of the cold, he thought that this was how it was supposed to be – how it was supposed to have been all those years ago.

But Sirius hadn't trusted him then – which he did now.

There is nothing wrong, he told himself emphatically.

Getting off the couch, he fumbled about for his wand.

"What are you doing?"

Startled, he looked up. Sirius was looking groggily at him.

"Come back here."

"It's cold… I thought I'd cast a Warming Charm…"

"There are other ways to ward off the cold," said Sirius smirking. However, the effect was slightly ruined as he rubbed the sleep from his eyes.

Remus abandoned his search and reached up to kiss him.

"The _bed_ this time – or I'll end up with more painful muscles than I care to have."

-o-o-o-o-o-o-

-o-o-o-o-o-o-

When he returned to the Black House, his temper only got worse to see Sirius drinking again.

"What the hell are you doing?" he snapped, wrenching the glass from his lover's hand.

Sirius stared bemusedly at him for full two minutes before muttering something inaudible.

Remus caught his shoulders in a vice-like grip and shook him hard. "What the hell has gotten into you? Why do you keep trying to kill yourself? Don't you care for me? Harry? Don't you even think about Harry? What would he say if he knew his godfather was a wallowing wimp?"

"A what?" asked Sirius, trying to draw his brows together in a frown.

"Coward."

Sirius sighed and looked as he was about to say something. He even opened his mouth, but just let it close after a brief yawn, and resting his head against the table, fell asleep.

-o-o-o-o-o-o-

"I feel so useless – so empty, so… so dead…"

"Try taking a bath," said Remus callously while drying his hair.

"What has gotten into you? What happened? Try talking about it rather than trying to bite my head off at every other word," said Sirius, rummaging in his bureau for more Hangover Remedy.

"Greyback," spat out Remus and sat down on the bed with his head in his hands.

Sirius turned his bloodshot eyes towards him.

"You confronted him?"

"No," said Remus bitterly, "but I was left to see the pain and misery he left in his wake… he turned no less than ten small kids into werewolves two nights ago. I… I visited them… but the usual happened…"

Sirius abandoned his search and walked over to him.

"They find it hard to trust a werewolf…"

"They bloody acted as if I was going to bite them all! Screamed and yelled and threw hexes and what-not! I don't know why I even try to help – it is not as if I accomplish much."

Sirius shut his eyes tightly for a moment as he felt his headache return with a vengeance.

Deciding to ignore it for now, he sat down next to Remus and wrapped his arms around him.

"I don't know what kind of tough you are facing, love, but I am there."

Remus stiffened as he heard his words. Turning his head slightly, he saw Sirius valiantly keeping his eyes open and even managing a half-smile, though it did look pretty forced… as if he was hiding the fact that he was feeling queasy or something.

Sighing, Remus disentangled himself from Sirius and told him to lie down.

"I'll ask Kreature for Hangover Remedy," he said softly and went out.

Immensely grateful, Sirius snuggled inside the bedcovers. He was deep in sleep when Remus returned. With a small smile, the latter got in the bed, cuddling close to him.

-o-o-o-o-o-o-

**To Be Continued…**

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